First: Talk to me about veiling. Why do you? Why don’t you?

It’s been an issue on my heart for many a year now. I tried it for a while, somewhat subtly, starting first with scarves worked into my hairstyle, then just using at least a headband, then making sure I was at least wearing earrings as a sign of womanly obedience… and now I’m lucky if I’ve gotten a shower before Sunday Mass. I know it’s a symbol of humility, covering the glory of my messy, roots-showing hair. I know I should cover my hair because the angels are present when the Eucharist is consecrated and all that… but. I attend daily Mass as well, usually in jeans and sometimes in my pajama sweats, because that’s the only way to get the garden watered and the four pets fed before we leave and get three children there in time, and that’s even with 2/3 of them crying over something or other. A lacy mantilla with jeans? Um…

But. The older two are the only children available to serve at the altar in our parish at daily Mass. I’m okay with that (they’re serving Mother Church, not fructifying the sanctuary, just like a nurse serves at a delivery but doesn’t get the mother pregnant). If I veil, they’ll want to, and there’ll be no hiding it then. We’re already the only family that regularly attends daily Mass. I’m an introvert. I’m not sure I’m put together for answering yet more questions from well-intentioned acquaintances who already think we are weirder than weird. Will I have to justify why my kids are veiled and serving at the altar?

But. I’m in choir, and I’ve already gotten one “Wow, a scapular? Haven’t seen one of those things in years!” when mine was sticking out after a hurried shirt-change on the way to practice. I’ve also been asked to cantor. Am I ready for that much more on top of it all? See above, re: introversion.

Second: Kassie aka Mom and 8kidsandabusiness both gave me different blogging awards. It’s humbling and exciting… and I honestly don’t know what to do with them! I see others have their blogging awards posted constantly on their blogs, and I would know how to do that if I were still coding HTML from scratch, but I’m not, and I’m so overwhelmed that I’m about to cry from frustration or hormonal imbalance or from just long-term overwhelmed-ness… Anyway, I wasn’t ignoring the awards out of, um, ignorance towards you personally but out of ignorance of blogging. Can anybody hold my hand and pass me a tissue?

Third:  If you’d like to read an instance of me being at peace about something, visit my writing blog, Will Write for Tomato Pie.  However, that site is in need of attention from someone who knows what she’s doing, and these days, that someone doesn’t seem to be me.

So, it seems today’s theme is feeling/being called but not being equipped. Like, at all.

In honor of this being one of my few rants, please enjoy this picture of our new dog, Sigma.


About Erin McCole Cupp
Erin McCole Cupp is a wife, mother, and lay Dominican who lives with her family of vertebrates somewhere out in the middle of Nowhere, Pennsylvania. In December 2020, look for her next book: All Things New: Breaking the Cycle & Raising a Joyful Family (Our Sunday Visitor), a book about parenting spirituality for survivors of family abuse and dysfunction. Find out more at .

9 Responses to Help?

  1. Laura says:

    Interesting question Mrs. M. This issue has only recently come onto my radar. In a different time or place I think the mantilla is perfectly appropriate. My concern is that I would be drawing attention to myself-attention that should be focused on the liturgy. But, I’m interested to hear others’ reasons for veiling.

  2. No mantilla. I express my reverence interiorly. Though I do love to see others wearing them.

  3. The best way I know to answer your question is to link to something I wrote in August, 2012 when I started veiling at Mass. As far as thinking I’m calling too much attention to myself – I’ve been veiling for a few months and have noticed that at the Mass I usually attend on Sunday, 4 more women are veiling too. I think the rest of the congregation doesn’t care one way or the other and hopefully they understand that we don’t do it to stand out or to call attention to ourselves.

    • “You don’t look good in cream, dear.” LOL! Thanks for sharing that post. I too feel very much like I’m running out of reasons not to cover my head. Do you always wear a skirt to Mass, however? Am I the only one thinking a veil looks odd with pants of any kind? I dress modestly pretty much everywhere but the pool, (and even then we have a no-bikini rule in our family) so is that just a silly hang-up on my part?

      My other question for you, my dear, is how do I go about putting a “blog award” on my site (besides answering the actual questions)? I see you’re on WordPress as well, so… help a n00b out?

      • I usually wear a skirt but when I wear dress pants, I still wear my veil. I think veiling looks fine with nice pants. When I attend Latin Mass at another parish, I see young women wearing jeans with their mantilla. I think that’s a very young look and only the girls in their 20s can get away with it. As for the blog award: I’m planning on posting 2 new ones on my blog in the next couple of weeks. I have to go through the motions before I can tell you how to do it so give me time and I will write down the instructions for you as I post the awards.

  4. Hi there. I haven’t had a chance to write a post about the awards I received but I haven’t forgotten your question about how to post the award on your blog. If you’re putting on the actual blog post, just right click on the picture of the award, save it and use the add media icon to put it on the blog post. If you want to put it on the side of your blog (like I have with the awards on mine), you have to go to the text widget. Right click again on the award picture, copy the http information and copy it to text widget. Hopefully that helps.

  5. Pingback: 7 Quick Takes Friday | Will Write for Tomato Pie

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